What A Night
by FeanorusRex
Summary: A fan fiction forces Raistlin and Crysania share a bed with disastrous, unintended results.


It was a fanfiction plot; Raistlin and Crysania were sure of it. Why else would they have been snatched from their present time and found themselves traveling together, arriving at an inn, (an unnamed one), and inn that just _happened_ to have one room left, and the one room only have one bed?

The well meaning thirteen year old girl using the most trite plot device ever, forced bed sharing, was not aware that her characters were forced into the story until she had finished writing it. At least, as Crysania pointed out, trying to look on the bright side, they weren't forced to do whatever sexual actions their fictional counterparts did. The gods have intervened a few years back, after a fic dealing with a kender orgy and crinkling.

"You're supposed to offer to take the floor," she said.

Everyone's favorite mage, of course, met this suggestion with rancor. "I'm not sleeping on the floor; I have a very delicate constitution. You sleep on the floor."

Crysania tried to be patient with him, knowing that he hated fanfiction plots as much as she did. "I didn't mean you _have_ to, I meant at this point in the story you probably offer to take the floor. But you don't have to, I guess we can both sleep," she tried to think of another word than 'together,' "both in this bed."

Of course Raistlin seized on the unintended innuendo. "Well, Revered Daughter, I didn't know clerics like you were allowed to do such things."

She responded something about Paladine giving her patience.

The night started out peacefully enough, both of them laying as far away from each other as possible and trying not to breathe loudly.

On another plan of existence, these sleeping arrangements did not go unnoticed by The Dark Queen.

"Look, Nunitari," she said to her son. "I knew he would sleep with that horrible cleric sooner or later."

"In the literal terms of the expression yes," Nunitari pointed out. "They're just sleeping."

"They're just sleeping, for now. Watch this."

"What are you saying, Mother, are you going to make them have sex?"

"Of course not! You're much too young to watch that! But I am going to do _this,_ " with her magic Takhisis invaded Raistlin's dreams. This resulted in him flailing around in bed and one of his elbows connecting with the sleeping Crysania's face.

"Ow!" She cried, waking up. Raistlin had also awoken after his elbow had connected with solid flesh instead of the phantoms he was fighting in his dreams. "You just elbowed me in the nose!" She accused.

"Did I? I thought you were Takhisis," came the hardly contrite reply. "I was dreaming."

Was her nose bleeding? It certainly felt like it. "Why are you so close to me?" He continued, "Are you trying to take me while I sleep?"

Crysania tried to remember why she'd had any feelings for him in Legends. "I move when I sleep," she answered, though gritted teeth. "And I was not-" He was either asleep or not listening. In the Abyss, Takhisis and her son laughed.

The rest of the night passed with out incident although Crysania did manage to take all the blankets. This, of course, caused Raistlin to complain of his delicate constitution, and how he was probably going to sicken and die from being cold all night. "You," said Crysania, touching her nose which wasn't broken, only bruised, "have Munchausen's syndrome. You pretend to be sick in order to gain sympathy."

"I do not!" Snapped the Master of the Past and Present.

"Really?" And when was the last time you were sick, really sick, not just your stupid cough which I think is fake."

"It is not! I am physically disabled from the Test! I-" Suddenly they found themselves back in the Inn of the Last Home where the DragonLance characters waited to go on their next canon adventure or get sucked into a dreaded fanfiction plot. This particular fic must have been a one shot. Our protagonists hardly noticed, as they were staring daggers at each other.

"Hi!" Said Tasslehoff, running up, "how was the fanfiction? Did you have to fight stuff? Is that why your nose is all banged up, Crysania?"

"Yes." She replied icily. "I was attacked with no reason." She stalked off, ignoring Raistlin.

"What did you do to her?" Tas questioned, sounding awed.

"Nothing," Raistlin walked across the room to join his brother. "And I do not have Munchausen's syndrome!"

"Oh, definitely not," Tas declared. "I don't know what that is but you really don't."

"That woman!" Said Raistlin, instead of greeting as he sat down with his brother. "Is a demon in bed."

Caramon, of course, took this remark in the worst possible way. He couldn't really be blamed, it was fanfiction after all. "Did you-?"

"No! I mean if you have the option to sleep in a bed she is occupying or on the floor, choose the floor," advised the mage.

"I see," said his brother, not seeing at all.

Raisltin refused to discuss the fanfiction again, except to aver that it wasn't his fault if he had nightmares and thrashed around in his sleep.

 **AN** : You can google crinkling, but don't say I didn't warn you.


End file.
